Remember_me

 my intelligence is not defined by a number, nor a letter. nor should I be graded on a curve by people who don’t know me. What does knowing the pythagorean theorem have to do with me being a good person? what will memorizing words on a page help me with my rage raging about how education has become this conveyor belt chewing up and spitting out society’s warped up idea of intelligence. Throw me in a classroom with twenty-something students just to tell me I’m better than him but not as smart as her teachers saturating our brains with force fed textbook equations telling us this is what we have to know to make it “make it on time”, they say “Passing it in late is not okay” but when I am eventually thrown out of this conveyor belt of education the realization will be that life does not have a set schedule. my life will not change on time, as you ask I cannot cram my creativity onto a five-paragraph piece of paper. I cannot crunch my knowledge down onto six pages about who I am Don’t ...

 I remove myself from the deepest parts of my mind and become familiar with my normal surroundings I play on my favorite song I don't think of anything except the natural beauty of the sky The birds that are flying willingly  Indeed reality doesn't hurt but this perfect world I have created inside my mind makes me feel free from the polluted minds of people in this society it’s not loneliness it’s getting lost in my mind and getting tangled in the beautiful mess that makes up who I am my brain transforms into a galaxy of swirling blue and purple with the brightest moments shining like stars I'm so tired of people being ignored and killed and painted wrongfully. I'm tired of war and hate and hate and hate being released in all of the wrong ways I am tired of bullets and blood and self-induced pain if we can't handle love and hate with two hands and a heart open to understanding that these are both powerful emotions that can get out of control. Somethings are better l...

 I still reread our messages As if the spaces in between our sentences Would suddenly produce new words It was like waiting for flowers to bloom in an eternal winter I checked every period making sure that you were done saying what you wanted to say And maybe you'd want to turn your periods into semicolons – your sentences may have ended but your thoughts haven't I was trying to find something, anything In the string of words we told each other Staring at each "I love you" Trying to figure out if maybe I did something wrong I had no one to blame for your decision but myself I couldn't even blame you, I loved you too much In the sea of I love yous and sweet nothings I was hoping to find when it exactly stopped When you stopped feeling the same When our love became one-sided and you left me hanging When you let go and I was still holding on Why didn't I notice that you were gone If we wrote to each other in Chinese characters I wouldn't be surprised that I m...

 I'm already thinking about how to not poetically write a poem I m already thinking of how to not drop a tear And yet from a far distance I look at you jumping in a deep talk with her She was looking at me and laughs And unluckily, I am an over-thinker  I kept pretending that I don't care That her giggles didn't get me He was grinning and for while I was wondering If our secret is no longer  undercover I was blaming myself for trusting him Recognizing it too late Two people ended up as a strangers But can we think of  it for a while Even if you pretend not to know that person Seeing his face wake up the hidden  cell of ur body Every cell that watched your fingers writing every word you wrote on your keyboard Speechless in fact  Where are my secrets? Are they roaming know between teens? Does everyone knows about it yet?  I am too dumb. I wish I listened to my best friend! Wish I was mature enough to learn from my mistakes I regret it now Here is a new r...

 I am devoted to people's eyes The most attractive part of the human body You may think it's not something worth looking at But have you ever noticed the story animated behind every pupil  Gazing is  a flirty way to kiss the soul Indeed, human's eyes scare me I cannot look at them for too long But oh gosh That boii behind me I haven't seen such cristal black eyes So brilliant and blazing Speaking too much pain  And I can't explain the art of mixing such sad eyes with such a sweet smile Facing the agony of life And I can hear his quaver voice while talking to his friend That boii behind me I wish I could turn around and travel into his iris I want to be near, enough to see the ghosting tears stucking there Dear boy, I look at too much I wish I could visit your world just one time You are so clueless, but trust me I can see every single reason through your eyes Dear boy I look at too much please don't blame me, it's your eyes that attract me spiritually I wrot...

 Lately i dont write Not because i dont want to, its just because my mind is overfilled with emptiness. I used to write to express myself, to cure my soul. But lately i dont write. Writing is the matter giving your self a chance to get out of that box that you have been in for a period of time. Writing is not putting such a specific words to pruduce something cohérent, but it the matter of transforming such a complicated, a unexplained feeling to words. So lately, i cant write, it because i no longer can verbalize my feelings. I cant feel the love, i no longer think of any human being en during my break. I just sit there and stars at my ceiling, for hours that feels like minutes, i just sometimes get teary eyed cause i used to be over dozed by love. And i will tell you my definition of love lately. Lately love is a fantastic world, you only feel it when you kiss yourself through the mirror, love is no longer an attraction between two souls, love is there but he cant win the hate ro...

 Between life and death, there is a hiatus, an uncompleted breath it's like when you're sleeping but not dreaming but you're conscious of the nothingness that has become for just a second, everything For a while, wind wants to be visible The bird wants to walk and the human wants to fly It's like seeking something we could not have We are paralyzed by our thoughts  I'm eating hallucinations. I'm feeling colors Anger. Anxiety. Depression. Fear. Imagine these feelings Are a natural disaster. I am so fragile, and these feelings never left me without harm So death is my refuge I run Till the moment I put the knife on my neck  Then I remember that I am a human feeling melancholy  is a part of my existence  And dying is ways failing the game of life Life  is just a result of two random possibilities take it, leave it, grow out of it  It's okay to not be okey~~

Your eye contact touches me in places I forgot existed.

 How could I not love him? But I know I don't love him The sky is gray. And I feel the beauty in sadness. I keep chasing what makes me sad.     Y        O            U And I won't give up until I admit that I'm mistaken And exuberantly if I did I will hunt you to revenge  Revenge is not my manner I will make you endure beautifully  I will make you test the sweet ignorance The reason why I sob every night Over loving You'll realize that there is no difference between taking away medications from a boozer and falling in love Please, verbalize your desire  I won't stop you from falling apart Nay I will fall for you Again And again And if you forget me one day I will gladly meet you for the first time over and over again Losing you is like losing something I thought I craved.

 The horizon is clear; you are gone, and I feel the loveliness in sadness. I can survive without seeing you, but I can't make myself stop wanting you You made me fall in love again by breaking me And I don't think you'll understand me How can you captivate me with all your imperfections How can you be so unreasonable toward my awareness You are giving the LOVE life and making it ephemeral And I look at you from the corner of my eyes Detecting you smiling was my favorite part And I don't need a telescope to see the glare One gaze on you can tear up my stamina  So how dare you leave me that way You are still someone I don't want to unlove I wish I could keep you from going  Sadly you are too lazy to stay  I need to reinvigorate your emotions I know you still look at me when I don't look at you  The sweet smile, like the aftermath we were walking side by side, almost touching I can feel the gravity of your hand, calling my fingers confiding "it's alright. ...

 Have you ever woken up in the middle of night, couldnt sleep because you are paralyzed  by your own throughts No?  Then before you lay down your harsh judgment then underdtand that"you'll never understand who I am"  Have you ever cried on the barthroom floor, cursed blindly, begged god to end your life No?  Then before you talk shit behind my back, understand that i was lost in pain and had enough hateful throughts Have you ever hated your self so much, that you took a blade to your skin because you had no choice No?  Then before you stab me with your words, understand that i may be already bleeding Have you ever experienced the feeling of been rejected by your own friends? Bullied violantly by your classmate? Replaced by your only best friend?  No?  Then before you take a step out my life dont make me notice, i may be filled with anxiety already

daddy why don't you love me anymore it's almost as if you're dead yet you're still alive mommy please i told you i was tired from the fight mommy dearest you are a fire bleeder a destroyer of all the things i held close i just want to sleep mommy please But i love you duddy and mommy,  a diferent kind of loving...

 I could write about feelings attractiveness- Of skin  Of eyes that heal my sadness, And a touch as light as silk. I was lost in reverie Perfection can kill the trust Instead, imperfection is not an ugly sight How dare you be so perfect How is your heart so cold but still makes me feel so warm You are making me feel wanted and full Yet they were times you made me cry I swear I felt it...right from the start Its hurt, its hurt...  But when the hurts keep hurting Would it be easy to live my life laughing? I fall inlove with the person who touches me So Please tear up my body, do anything you like Shouting, struggling, eyelids swelling I can feel the gravity of your hand, calling for mine Tantalizing like seeing the sun in the middle of night Was i awake?  I almost said it.  All I need is one ounce of strength to tell you every single thing that I have ever felt about you So please tear up my body And do anything you like My body is my home, my body is your wonderl...

 I'm still dying. But it's not my job to fix what you have broken I'm still fighting for us You have left an ache in my heart that I don't think will ever be fully healed. I tell myself that you still love me That you didn't mean to hurt me But it's all excuses I made, I know! Roaming in my vein, aren't you tired? Like an insatiable fire Don't apologize  You only get satiated when it is too late My love is as deep as the sea I definitely have clinomania You come across and asked me if I was okay Magically melting like candy on fire Knowing that us is just ephemeral But don't you remember our first last kiss?  How could things change into their opposites,  From love to hate.  From dulcet to repulsive Facking scenes in my head is a figment But is also a habit You and I are miscible A perfect story lived a million times in my head, but knowing that dreams never come true! I woke up with euneirophrenia And I felt sort of Eudaemonia They say our love is a...

 One day after my suicide... I felt in love with the way my mom cursed my name with anger, her blooded heart, how the tears were falling from her eyes as it's was snowing, how her heart was beating fast then faster, and how she put her traumatized hand on my face for the last time. I felt in love with how my dad was shocked, and the gaze on his face was full of sorrow. He kissed me for the first time on my head, and he soto voiced I'm sorry with a quavering voice. I felt in love with how my dog was waiting at the door, waiting for me to back from school, but I didn't. How the invisible tears were falling.  I fell in love with tears on my brother's face as he was a strong boy who never gives up on life's mistakes, I fell in love with how he looked himself in that room remembering our childhood like a fresh series. I fell in love with how my best friend received the news of my death, and how she was so sad about been too late.  I fell in love with my cousins and famil...

 They say...  If you are afraid that you will lose him  then  that is what will happen … you will lose him. And that is what happened!  Expired faith I'm trying to verbalize my feelings  You just reinvigorated my dysthymia Now I'm potentially pensive  Our adamancy was supercalifragilisticexpialidocious You are going through anagenesis I can't blame you because you are a human  And humans are agathokakological  Even I've always thought that you are an angel But you no longer mine Feel free to plagiarize But wait....!!! you should know that you making my dystonia lasting till midnight time You should know that I belong to you in the name of eternity  After all, I guess I'm not that strong, I think I'll cry... Dictionary: *Reinvigorate: to make someone feel healthier and energetic again. *Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious: extraordinary good, wonderful. *Redamancy: the ones that you love, love you back *Agathokakological: composed of both ...

 ~ I used to hug clothes just to feel that I'm hugging someone real ~ Every night I cry myself to sleep ~ Faking scenes give me butterflies ~ You are the one that I want to be with forever ~ Tears are stuck in my eyes, I need a shoulder to cry on ~ I feel rue about myself ~ Kiss me, like you kissing me for the Last time ~ Loving you obnubilated me ~ Let's watch the starry sky together ~ Heaven is a place where I can be with you ~ When you just want to Blunt, and your heart starts to hurt, the tears want to come out but somehow they can't, when you are surrounded by people and still feel lonely, when you are afraid and scared from everything, when you try to be happy but still feel sad, that's what depression looks like. ~ You love them, they don't. So don't beg them, they also have to beg someone else ~ I try to fall for you but it's just not the right things ~ Regrets ~ Touching is a feeling, that I still want to feel ~ With the right person, and at the rig...

 I'm afraid of losing you because if I lose you, I won't be the same anymore. I don't want to open my eyes knowing that you left. I confess that I got used to people leaving, and forsaking me, but youuu omg youuu... I'm ready to get off anything in my life just to keep you in, I'm ready to do everything just to make you wanna stay. Only if you know that I spent so many nights out on this balcony thinking about you, worried about you, Imagining life with you, missing you, longing for you. I cannot lose you, because if I lose you everything in my life will be meaningless,  My worst fear is losing you </3 Sometimes I just sit there and think, how lucky I'm to have you, I turn the light off, and I lay in bed in the messiest way possible. Comfortable, lightless, and my luculent feelings are tempestuous, steadfast against my blatherskite unconscious mind. I got a saccharine emotion when I think about you, and I beam with felicity every time I remember the first gaz...

  Warning!! This may be shocking for some readers.  I honestly don't know how to feel anymore, about anything, I don't know how to feel generally. Like how do I feel when I'm just so numb all the time, when I'm lying in bed and just staring at nothing for hours that feel like minutes, I don't know how to feel anymore, because before it was anger, and pain and suffering, and upset, and just so many emotions so much pain, but now there is just nothing, not having any emotions hurt more than anything could, that's why self-harm doesn't hurt anymore, that's why when I scratch my skin of my flesh, it's doesn't hurt anymore. I look at my scars right Now. And I just feel so conflicted, I feel hatred towards it, I see those marks on everybody that I love, I see those scars I cause to other people ON My Skin. And yet the people that I love are watching, and it's hurt them that hurt myself even if it didn't hurt... I don't know why I'm so o...

  For a better reading experience, I made a dictionary explaining hard words. Check at the end of the page. With a Quaver rhythm...   I pontificate my love in a rhetoric speech  I rue the fact that I blunt the last time we talked  I rue my unspoken feeling of been exigent I get qualms every time you ignore my presence Is cursing my name still make you satiated? You are no longer prudence You are no longer a nincompoop But your zeal is still getting higher when you touch my skin With a quaver rhythm... My tirade is no longer satisfying  My restive character is no longer fragrant  And between me and you, there is a hiatus barrier reek of flowers Kismet, searching for a panacea of our disease Dictionary: Quaver: A shake or tremble in a person's voice.  Blunt: saying what you think without trying to be polite.  Kismet: fate.  Panacea: A remedy for all disease or ills; cure-all. Hiatus: space where something is missing.  Zeal: great enthusias...

  Laughing to avoid crying is a different kind of pain And I laughed when your gaze scan to search for her not mine I laughed when you spent the whole night talking to her, and even didn't answer my "hello" I laughed the day you had a fight with her, she was so strong for daring to  bloke you, and I couldn't see you sad, so I happily talked to her about you, I laughed when she unblocked you and you didn't even say "thank u" for my trying I laughed when you forgot my birthday  I laughed when you tell her happy birthday with a picture of you both on your story I laughed because I didn't even have a picture with you  I laughed when you told me that you had a call with her, I laughed because I was dreaming of having a call with you I laughed when you told me that she is your crush I laughed at the way you come behind her and cover her eyes with your soft hands  I laughed because I couldn't deny that I was jealous It's was painful the time I spent...

 Dear reader, I always thought that I had a wider vision than everyone, experienced more than everyone, so I liked to act cool in public, telling people all kinds of logic. Friends, teachers also family used to tell me "why you are always smiling?" Like damn, can't you see the tears that I'm hiding, indeed, I liked that...showing others that I'm pretty great, that my life is super mysterious and ablaze.      Dear reader, actually the real me is different from what they have seen, I truthfully had no friends, all girls hated me, guys approaching me with the motive, no one treated me sincerely.        Don't think ill of me for saying so but the first time I tried to kill myself I was 14, I waited until my family went to work, and I was alone in the house, I picked up the knife, put it on my neck and pressed it slowly, meanwhile I realized that no one was watching, listening or caring and that there was only I and ME. I was about to abolish my life, ...

 Pain... She was my first lover I hugged her, she hugged me I suck her skin and marked her blood I don't know what I'm going to say the next time I see her How can she made me feel so abuse She cursed my heart with arrows  She makes me feel like an evil with no powers  Every night she took my hands as lovers do Bring me to her favorite place as a slave In her favorite place was no mercy You can hear the cries, you can see the room getting filled slowly with this salty water downing from people's eyes You can feel the gloom, the sadness, the sorrow, the melancholy standing next to you Next to you... it is the quickest my mind has ever been.

 Lord you hear me right? I'm sure you do, cause I'm feeling the presence of an invisible man by my side Lord, Meditation on the universe and its greatness in the sky  Oh my lord You are at the top and I am at the bottom The rain, the ray, the light, the elexir of the earth made me speechless against your splendour

 Love vaccinate us Cover me with the soft kisses of yours Make me feel sober while I'm drunk I become addicted to ur body I believe in god as long as he created a master piece as you Your name send a shiver run down my spine I cannot control it, how love got all this powers When love it's self can't explain it Maybe the sun and the moon will never meet Until that time I will never unlove you