The day after my suicide

By Rim

 One day after my suicide...

I felt in love with the way my mom cursed my name with anger, her blooded heart, how the tears were falling from her eyes as it's was snowing, how her heart was beating fast then faster, and how she put her traumatized hand on my face for the last time.

I felt in love with how my dad was shocked, and the gaze on his face was full of sorrow. He kissed me for the first time on my head, and he soto voiced I'm sorry with a quavering voice.

I felt in love with how my dog was waiting at the door, waiting for me to back from school, but I didn't. How the invisible tears were falling. 

I fell in love with tears on my brother's face as he was a strong boy who never gives up on life's mistakes, I fell in love with how he looked himself in that room remembering our childhood like a fresh series. I fell in love with how my best friend received the news of my death, and how she was so sad about been too late. 

I fell in love with my cousins and family and how they felt conflicted toward me. 

I  look at my dead body, meanwhile, I realized that I was so blind to not see all the love around me... 

I was selfish... 

~

I know life surprises you with a bunch of hits sometimes, I know you are not okay when you say that "you are fine" I know, I know it's hard but life is not too bad to let it go that way. You should fight, I know you can do it! I know you are so strong. And you can do it. 

Probably, you passing from a very hard time, don't hesitate to talk about it with someone who will listen, and understand, and make you feel better..if you do not have that person, I'm a great listener, I won't leave you, dear reader. You matter!! And in case if no one told you today" you are extremely amazing, and perfect" so fight!!!


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