Self-harm

By Rim

 Warning!! This may be shocking for some readers. 




I honestly don't know how to feel anymore, about anything, I don't know how to feel generally. Like how do I feel when I'm just so numb all the time, when I'm lying in bed and just staring at nothing for hours that feel like minutes, I don't know how to feel anymore, because before it was anger, and pain and suffering, and upset, and just so many emotions so much pain, but now there is just nothing, not having any emotions hurt more than anything could, that's why self-harm doesn't hurt anymore, that's why when I scratch my skin of my flesh, it's doesn't hurt anymore. I look at my scars right Now. And I just feel so conflicted, I feel hatred towards it, I see those marks on everybody that I love, I see those scars I cause to other people ON My Skin. And yet the people that I love are watching, and it's hurt them that hurt myself even if it didn't hurt... I don't know why I'm so overwhelmed  about feelings like how I'm surly all the time, how do I notice everything, and when it hurt I just got silent and harm myself to feel nothing, many of you will feel compassion toward me, but I'm not trying to make you feel rue about these scars I'm just doing it for myself to feel less lonely. I know I'm tomfoolery when I do this, but what can I do to avoid it? I tried to cope, I tried to hang out with my friends, I tried and in still trying.. But it's doesn't work, it's just getting worst every time. At least I want real people, those when you just tell them about how you feel without hesitating, those that ask you for making memories, those who needs you to be there and don't leave when you want them to be there.why should I be the first who ask!? That is why I avoid people, I'm building my world, a world accepting peace and love. 

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