Some memories that are consuming my soul excruciatingly

By Rim

 It's funny how I am taking a cold shower and recalling the past, I've read of the attraction but I can't apply it, the memory of my old self appears in front of me and suddenly I am not feeling the intensity of the water on my skin, it's was the cruelest memory in my mind, I wish  I could hide it somewhere where I can't find it ever, but the memory of me been hit by a lot of hands, and my eyes gazing the floor, not allowing me to look up and seeing who, cause they were too many and I was too paralyzed, too fragile to defend myself, how painful it was. I will not cry. I will not cry. Repeating these words over and over in my head. It's worked, well at least I had enough time to run to the bathroom before I start to cry silently. I stare at the shitty comments written on the back of the bathroom I was in, the writings begin to blur from the tears that are clouding my vision. I start screaming loudly but without making a sound, wishing I had something to harm myself with, just to feel less pain. Those people can't be human.

And I was too little to handle it, shame.

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As every teenager girl, trying to go with the flow with her classmates that seems to have an interest in everything. they loved math football and beautiful girls. I loved maths too, but the fact that no matter how hard I try, they were were were always better than me, I hated it, I hated putting all my effort and not getting the result I hoped for. Guys in my class were almost bullies, I was that kind of girl easy to love and deal with, also not ugly to not try to start a conversation with, yet not that beautiful to get their attention what I mean by saying this is that they only talk to beautiful good looking girls, and I wasn't, so I was out of the sigh, at first I didn't care, but when seeing everyone having someone sharing with them a sit, and me sitting on the back... Alone. Felt Excruciatingly painful, the backboard just went blurry because of my teary eyes. But what hurts the most, is me crying and no one noticing it, like I was something more than a third party, someone that doesn't matter AT ALL. Funny how even the teacher didn't notice.

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Some papers and an empty bottle hit my back, following with giggles, the new Me didn't accept the fact that if I didn't turn around and slap him, I wouldn't move on from that moment, so with no second thought I turned around, and that guy was like "I swear it's not me" only if he didn't say it with sneer I would have hesitated. I M PROUD OF MYSELF CAUSE I DID SLAP HIM.

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These are some bad memory I recalled today

It's can be updated if I recall other, I wish I won't but however. 

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