Remember_me

 I am planning to love you till I die Until I lose the ability to love any longer And if there is a life after death I will wait and wait until we reunion again I'll have you now and then I guess that's what makes me scared Cause I am sacrificing my life loving you But I don't even know if you would sacrifice yours to love me back too So I am living in an " I guess we never know" statement That's why  loving you feels like self-harm Even though it's the pain I wouldn't mind having if it's about you baby 

 Much of your pain is self-chosen Don't let it consumes you I know how it feels like to not be able to handle the pain anymore As much as I know that you are able to handle it.

 It's funny how I am taking a cold shower and recalling the past, I've read of the attraction but I can't apply it, the memory of my old self appears in front of me and suddenly I am not feeling the intensity of the water on my skin, it's was the cruelest memory in my mind, I wish  I could hide it somewhere where I can't find it ever, but the memory of me been hit by a lot of hands, and my eyes gazing the floor, not allowing me to look up and seeing who, cause they were too many and I was too paralyzed, too fragile to defend myself, how painful it was. I will not cry. I will not cry. Repeating these words over and over in my head. It's worked, well at least I had enough time to run to the bathroom before I start to cry silently. I stare at the shitty comments written on the back of the bathroom I was in, the writings begin to blur from the tears that are clouding my vision. I start screaming loudly but without making a sound, wishing I had something to harm myse...

 Sadness fills my chest when I see kids laugh and play with friends. Friends that I never got to have. Happiness that was sadness when all I got was myself and a note pad Seeing happiness filling their hearts m with a sound of a symphony remarking my best words. My heart fill with joyous, jealous, anger because I wish I could of had the love they had. Now you see, watching the present reflects your past in a negative or positive way.

.... That's when I knew that I was in for it. That I was down for whatever it is that we have. I wouldn't call it a commitment or an exclusive relationship but it was something. You became my favorite habit. A habit that I couldn't quit even when I try to(trust me there were countless of times). It sounds corny but it is true. Countless of times I was hurt. There were days when I could literally feel my heart throb. I knew that there were girls that you have loved in the past and the idea of having to think that they were better with you and you were better at loving them than me really ***** the worst in me. You were also so honest with everything and there were nights when I want nothing but to cry. Just cry. To be honest there was a time when I felt like giving up, that was when I didn't know how to love bad parts of you but now I realize that I have to love them too even when it hurts, even when it feels like hell because I love you. I love the idea of being in love...